Saying Those Painful Goodbye's

Well, that time has come and gone and in odd way's we are grateful to get this started. The coming deployment has loomed over us like a dark storm cloud for a long time and to finally get the goodbye's done and start the counting down weeks means we can look for silver linings and get into a routine. ARG I hate deployments, and I know all my veteran deployment spouses are feelin me on that one. Blech- did I say how much they suck? Ya, I did, but they sure do make you appreciate the small moments all that much more. Like a 4 second long phone call of nothing but static from another country. Hours spent trying to connect to a messenger service to get a glimpse of your loved one. Or unexpected pictures. There is a wonderful group of Vets and families that show up at the airport our guys went through who stop and take pictures and post them for their families and that sure made our day. Seeing a random picture of him eating lunch, yep, we smiled and cried and smiled and cried some more. Ya, we're emo like that. It was more than chilly out the night we dropped him, and seeing as you can't sit in your personal vehical with your weapon that meant standing outside freezing....well,I wasn't cold...mmm butt warmers! Sorry sweet cheeks....Leave it to a Soldier to figure something out..lol he grabbed one of Aidan's baby blankets in the back and snuggled into it..he's so cute!

As for me smiling......ya I wasn't in a smiley mood, however remember that "inappropriate reaction to stress" I have? Ya...there it goes rearing it's obnoxious head. Grins when all I could think of was "don't cry, don't cry, not yet. Hold it in just a little longer". Those hugs will have to last until R&R, just don't be standing in my way when he gets off that plane..lol you will be trampled! You have been warned.

And here is Cody, looseing it, or just about too. This shot breaks my heart over and over. My sweet little Tank.

I was able to hold it together really well up until the good bye's to the kids, man those were tough, cody about killed me. He sat back on the couch and allowed the other boy's to have their goodbyes and his eyes welled up and he practically refused to say his goodbye. They hugged and he held those tears in...just about to pour over the rims of his eyes and I said "Cody it's ok to cry hunny, Daddy wants to cry too" and that did it, he lost it. We've had a few phone calls from school saying he's cried during class a few times so we are putting a lot of time into making packages and drawings and letter writing. Seeing him on the web camera had all 3 older boys running for the computer bawling! But what a wonderful release that was for them. A few tears turned into happy faces and jabbering about how they are going to win this game or that to make Dad/Coach Morris proud.

Matt and Cpt. Gilchrest in Afghanistan.

Well, now he's there, made it safely to his final destination and settling in, just as we are settling into a routine. Our new normal. Time to put on the big girl panties and the "everything is fine" smile and start some projects to keep myself sane!

~We miss you and love you Matthew. We are impatiently waiting for you to come home safely. Counting down the weeks (because there are just too many days to count!). Missing you with all that I am.................